The Value Of Unknotting's Unique Values-Based Method
Unknotting By Nyya explores and honors your own, unique, personal priorities, beliefs, needs, and above all, your values when coming up with solutions to your problems. But why is that so important?
Consider the following:
A mother of two receives a call from her son’s principle saying that he has been suspended because he has yet again beat up a fellow student. Just last week she got a similar call about her daughter- revealing clothing and swearing in school has become her latest rebellion, since divorce divided the family six months ago.
“Mom” blames her ex for the kids’ acting out. He lets them watch absolutely anything on TV, never involves himself in their lives or disciplines them while they’re at his house, and openly attacks her and tells the kids they don’t need to listen to “such a bitch.” But no matter how she tries, she can’t get their acting out under control.
Mom can take this mess two ways:
A) She can beat herself up over the situation by telling herself she shouldn’t have broken up the family, that the kids don’t love her anymore, that she should have been more careful about who she married, that she has ruined her children’s lives, that she was a terrible wife and a horrible mom….
Or,
B) She can step back and realize that she broke up the family because her values tell her that her children deserve to see love, peace, and fidelity in their home- things her past marriage lacked- and she was trying to be a good role model in standing up for her own worth. She would never want her kids to stay in an abusive relationship, so why should she? She can take count of all those things she does that proves she is indeed a good mom- being a good listener, being supportive, going to her kids’ school events, keeping holidays magical, etc- and realize that her ex is indeed a bad influence, that there are problems she has been unable to fix, and that she simply needs to find help fixing them… not hate herself for their existence.
Mom’s values give her a measure to judge herself and her life on, support her happiness, success, and self-esteem on. This is a far stronger way to happiness than thinking you’re ok when life is good, and worthless when life is bad, because life will always swing back and forth between good and bad. But your sanity and peace, and self-esteem don’t have to! Unknotting will free you to attack your problems, instead of yourself.