Unsupportive Family or Partner?
"Thank you for your trust!" -Nyya
Is your partner or family uncomfortable with your desire for coaching?
Here's help!
"The grass is not greener on the other side. It's greener where you water it."
-Pheobe Dodd
"Courage isn't the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important."
-unknown
Unknotting Method and Tools Copyright 2005; All Website Contents Copyright 2009-2010 Crystal Nyya Hites. May not be used or copied without explicit written permission.
Dear Family, Spouse, or Partner:
It is not uncommon for the families of coaching clients to feel upset about their family member’s interest in coaching. Many people don’t understand what coaching is, or why it’s worth the effort and expense, and feel it’s unnecessary and threatening.
Please don’t feel threatened. First of all, I am not a therapist- seeing me doesn’t mean that your family member is “sick,” needs “help,” or feels that there are huge problems with you or the family. Therapy “fixes” unhealthy people and relationships. Coaching takes on only healthy clients- and is designed to help them build the happiest, most fulfilling, stable life possible. Coaches make good things better. Therefore, if you are worried that flaws in your relationship or family will come to light, know that I never take sides, never judge, and would never tell a client what to do. Rather, I first encourage them to take small steps in fixing problems, working to be happiest with what they have- this includes you- before ever considering moving on to something new. This means that if there are problems, I would rather help them solve them than tell them to leave. But if problems go unaddressed, chances are the relationship will eventually end. Your relationship will be better with coaching, as your partner will learn to empathize and understand you better, appreciate who you are without needing to change you, and become happier and more content in themselves- which means less anger and frustration directed at you.
Coaches often hear from client’s family members, “but I don’t want to do all kinds of dumb mushy exercises” and “I don’t want to change” or “I don’t want to be involved in this.” Believe it or not, that’s ok. I’m used to working with “what is.” I offer very good couples coaching; but I am fine with focusing 100% on your family member alone. You never need do any “homework” or talk to me at all. Coaching teaches people to focus on improving themselves, not on analyzing, nit-picking and changing others, so your family member’s involvement puts no pressure on you. I love it when families all get involved as a whole in self-improvement coaching, but it is not necessary. You don’t have to change!
Family members also worry that coaching puts fancy, unrealistic, and even dangerous and disappointing ideas in people’s heads. They worry that their family member will suddenly launch a business that has no hope of success, or leave a solid career that keeps the family afloat for a commune in the hills. All I can say to this is that while your family member will be making 100% of their own choices, with my support along the way, I encourage clients to be realistic and informed in making decisions, and that they need consider the impact these changes will have on people who matter to them- like you. I would help them to really dig in and research how much starting and running a business really takes, and its chances of success, for example- and that might actually change their mind and make them realize how valuable what they currently have really is, instead of desiring what they don’t have and resenting their current lifestyle. By helping them see how changes affect you, too, I can help them lessen any change’s negative impact on you, or avoid that impact altogether. I honor the fact that your life, needs, and priorities matter, too!
So, why is coaching “worth it?” Coaching cleans the soul and the life like a good-smelling laundry detergent. Your best, most expensive, favorite clothes would become pretty worthless, and even embarrassing, with their stains, wrinkles and stench if you never washed or dry-cleaned them. Life and the human spirit are the same way. The clothes than come out of the laundry are the same ones that went in; but there is a freshness, a beauty, a vibrancy that lets your clothes breathe life into your appearance when you care for them. When someone attends coaching, they refresh their lives in much the same way. They become lively, refreshed and beautiful. They can breathe again. They clean away things that drag them down, draining their energy and good moods. They stop fighting and start accepting. They learn to deal with problems instead of hitting freeze, fight or flight. They achieve goals and dreams realistically and without hurting others. They take responsibility and stop blaming and resenting others. They find happiness. They heal themselves. They start laughing again. They find time for things and people they love- like you. They treat themselves and others with gentle love and respect. They grow.
Please support your family member in using me as a helping-hand on their quest to being a happier, more fulfilled person. It’s very likely that this will benefit you too, even if you never work with me yourself, because it’ll be easier for you to be happy when your family member is happy, too. That’s the way life goes! We are all connected. If you have any doubts or questions, please, call or email me. I’ll be happy to hear from you!
Sincerely,
Crystal Nyya Hites, Life Coach
Unknotting By Nyya
A No Commitment, Free Consultation is always included with both Individual and Couples coaching sessions, and you only pay if you're satisfied!
It is not uncommon for the families of coaching clients to feel upset about their family member’s interest in coaching. Many people don’t understand what coaching is, or why it’s worth the effort and expense, and feel it’s unnecessary and threatening.
Please don’t feel threatened. First of all, I am not a therapist- seeing me doesn’t mean that your family member is “sick,” needs “help,” or feels that there are huge problems with you or the family. Therapy “fixes” unhealthy people and relationships. Coaching takes on only healthy clients- and is designed to help them build the happiest, most fulfilling, stable life possible. Coaches make good things better. Therefore, if you are worried that flaws in your relationship or family will come to light, know that I never take sides, never judge, and would never tell a client what to do. Rather, I first encourage them to take small steps in fixing problems, working to be happiest with what they have- this includes you- before ever considering moving on to something new. This means that if there are problems, I would rather help them solve them than tell them to leave. But if problems go unaddressed, chances are the relationship will eventually end. Your relationship will be better with coaching, as your partner will learn to empathize and understand you better, appreciate who you are without needing to change you, and become happier and more content in themselves- which means less anger and frustration directed at you.
Coaches often hear from client’s family members, “but I don’t want to do all kinds of dumb mushy exercises” and “I don’t want to change” or “I don’t want to be involved in this.” Believe it or not, that’s ok. I’m used to working with “what is.” I offer very good couples coaching; but I am fine with focusing 100% on your family member alone. You never need do any “homework” or talk to me at all. Coaching teaches people to focus on improving themselves, not on analyzing, nit-picking and changing others, so your family member’s involvement puts no pressure on you. I love it when families all get involved as a whole in self-improvement coaching, but it is not necessary. You don’t have to change!
Family members also worry that coaching puts fancy, unrealistic, and even dangerous and disappointing ideas in people’s heads. They worry that their family member will suddenly launch a business that has no hope of success, or leave a solid career that keeps the family afloat for a commune in the hills. All I can say to this is that while your family member will be making 100% of their own choices, with my support along the way, I encourage clients to be realistic and informed in making decisions, and that they need consider the impact these changes will have on people who matter to them- like you. I would help them to really dig in and research how much starting and running a business really takes, and its chances of success, for example- and that might actually change their mind and make them realize how valuable what they currently have really is, instead of desiring what they don’t have and resenting their current lifestyle. By helping them see how changes affect you, too, I can help them lessen any change’s negative impact on you, or avoid that impact altogether. I honor the fact that your life, needs, and priorities matter, too!
So, why is coaching “worth it?” Coaching cleans the soul and the life like a good-smelling laundry detergent. Your best, most expensive, favorite clothes would become pretty worthless, and even embarrassing, with their stains, wrinkles and stench if you never washed or dry-cleaned them. Life and the human spirit are the same way. The clothes than come out of the laundry are the same ones that went in; but there is a freshness, a beauty, a vibrancy that lets your clothes breathe life into your appearance when you care for them. When someone attends coaching, they refresh their lives in much the same way. They become lively, refreshed and beautiful. They can breathe again. They clean away things that drag them down, draining their energy and good moods. They stop fighting and start accepting. They learn to deal with problems instead of hitting freeze, fight or flight. They achieve goals and dreams realistically and without hurting others. They take responsibility and stop blaming and resenting others. They find happiness. They heal themselves. They start laughing again. They find time for things and people they love- like you. They treat themselves and others with gentle love and respect. They grow.
Please support your family member in using me as a helping-hand on their quest to being a happier, more fulfilled person. It’s very likely that this will benefit you too, even if you never work with me yourself, because it’ll be easier for you to be happy when your family member is happy, too. That’s the way life goes! We are all connected. If you have any doubts or questions, please, call or email me. I’ll be happy to hear from you!
Sincerely,
Crystal Nyya Hites, Life Coach
Unknotting By Nyya
A No Commitment, Free Consultation is always included with both Individual and Couples coaching sessions, and you only pay if you're satisfied!