What Phase Are You In?
What Phase Are You In?
Take a peek at this worksheet before your session with me. What are you ready for? What do you need? This will help me help you, and insure you get the most out of your session!
Problem/loss/crisis; or stagnation/emptiness/boredom: Somehow your life is set off-balance; or things have been difficult for a while now and grown to the point where you can no longer ignore them. Or maybe, you just plain want MORE, or BETTER, out of life.
Phase 1- Grieving: marked by thinking often about the event or problem- what went wrong, why it was or wasn’t your fault, asking yourself why your life has to be so hard, thinking about “he said, she said,” etc.
What Unknottting will for you:
Many people in this stage aren’t yet ready to deal with life and take action to “fix” things. If you find yourself “venting” a lot on friends, family, or co-workers, and realize that you haven’t heard a thing they said when comforting you or giving you advice; or you keep ignoring their advice and are “stuck in a rut,” you may be in the grieving stage. Prolonged or intense grieving requires therapy, rather than coaching; but I am willing to be a sounding board, a shoulder to cry on, as you work through this difficult time.
Phase 2- Opening to Options: You may feel lost, confused, overwhelmed, and full of self-pity still, but you begin looking to possible solutions to better your situation, now that you have come to terms with the fact that life has to go on, despite this problem or change. You want answers, now!
What Unknotting will do for you:
Some problems cannot be “solved” in the traditional sense, like a business that goes under and cannot be revived. But what can be solved in this situation are the reasons behind such a loss that are really causing you your stress: the resulting financial crisis, the self-esteem blow, the change in lifestyle; the need for new direction; the crisis in personal confidence. These can be worked on, and coaching is wonderful for this!
Coaching will also explore all your options for fixing these problems, as well as pros and cons of each option, its benefits and risks, and what it will take to make them happen. The long nights of worrying “what’ll I do!?” come to an end.
Phase 3- Readying Yourself: Now that you know what you want to do about your worries, you need to become confident and energized to make the chose changes and take first steps. If you are doubting yourself, thinking “I don’t know if I can do this,” worried about how to face others with your choices, or concerned that you don’t have enough time, energy, skill, etc. to carry out your plan, you may need to “ready yourself.” You’re probably in this stage if you know what you want, and roughly how to do it, but keep making excuses and putting it off.
What Unknotting will do for you:
Unknotting will look at what’s got you “stuck,” what’s blocking your success and happiness, and help you blaze through it! Having fears and doubts means that you are sane- that you recognize that reality doesn’t always work out the way you want it to and that actions have consequences. Being well-equipped to handle any problems that come up, and knowing what the consequences may be and that you will be able to handle those too, will set you free! We’ll tweak your plan into one that you KNOW will work and that gets you feeling powerful, happy, energized…excited! Because from now on, things are going to be better!
Phase 4- Resolution : Now you’re actually doing what it takes to solve your problems and working through any related hassles. Action!
What Unknotting will do for you:
At this point, I’m both your cheerleader and lookout. When things go right, we’ll celebrate; when they go wrong, I’ll gently help you backup without any shame, disappointment, or criticism. I’m on your side! I’ll keep an eye out to possible opportunities and problems that could arise for you, so that you can stay ahead of the game. When you’re making difficult changes that others in your life might not understand, it is essential that someone is there for you and has your back! And soon…. SUCCESS! You’re happy again!
Phase 5- Doldrums: You succeeded! You got what you wanted! You were happy! And then… well… somehow things went back to same old, same old. You quit using the conflict resolution techniques we explored and are fighting with your spouse again; you stopped tracking your calories or spending and the scale or credit card debt is creeping back up…. And you don’t know why, don’t have much energy or time to deal with it, and feel depressed, defeated.
What Unknotting will do for you:
I never judge or criticize! I too have had life get in the way of my best-laid plans: holidays destroying diets; job loss ruining the newly established peace at home. These things happen! But they are not failures; they’re just bumps in the road. Setbacks are okay! If things go astray for you, I will welcome you with open arms and we’ll look at your priorities, figure out what’s gotten in your way, and fix it. Not only will be relieved, but you’ll be happy once more!
Phase 6- Protecting New Life: Making the Change Stick Creating the life you dream of means changing some old habits and avoiding old problems. But these things can be hard to do!
What Unknotting will do for you:
A good coach will be a life-long mirror and accountability partner for a client, if they so desire. By checking in with a session a few times a year, you can stay on-track and avoid falling back into the same ruts that you got stuck in so many times before. I may see trends, accomplishments, changes and challenges that you’ve missed, and will help you celebrate or address them. Even supermodels use a mirror or makeup artist to look their best- I’ll continue to help you see yourself and your life more clearly and make it beautifully yours!
Phase 7- Paradigm Shift: All of a sudden, you're seeing everything differently. You may feel like you've gone mad, that no one would understand, that nothing is as it once was...and that you're alone. When one experiences a paradigm shift, they experience a radical change in the way they've been thinking about something; in the beliefs they once held as true and changeless; or in the way they approach some aspect of their lives. Something suddenly "clicks" in them, and there is no way to go back to life as it once was. It may be hard to explain, or justify, to others why suddenly you can no longer work your old job, stay married, or live in some way.
Many people never experience this shift.
What Unknotting will do for you:
Perhaps firstly and most importantly, I'll listen carefully and be there for you, easing the intense loneliness and huge transitions that often accompany a paradigm shift where one can no longer relate to family, friends, or their partner the way they once did. With your new insights in mind, we'll rebuild your world- the way you now believe it should be- and help you reconnect deeply and meaningfully with any people or aspects of life that became casualties of your new mindset.
Every saint has a past; every sinner, a future.
-unknown
Change is inevitable; growth is optional.
-Seen on a bumper sticker
" The biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis, but rather the feeling of being unwanted, uncared for, and deserted by everybody."
-Mother Teresa of Calcutta
Unknotting Method and Tools Copyright 2005; All Website Contents Copyright 2009-2010 Crystal Nyya Hites. May not be used or copied without explicit written permission.
